Republican convention plans leaked?

It looks like the plans for the Republican National Convention have finally been unveiled. . . .

TO: All RNC Delegates
FROM: Ed Gillespie
RE: RNC Convention schedule.

1700 Before television coverage begins, all important decisions and resolutions are made in secret.
1800 Bush and Cheney enter convention site, walking on platform specially built to make them look taller.
1805 Dick Cheney taken to a "secure undisclosed location."
1815 NRA lobbyists shoot at copies of the second amendment.
1830 Handing out of piles of money to upper-class delegates after the latest "job-promoting" tax cut.
1845 John Ashcroft proposes eliminating some civil liberties.
1900 Michael Powell threatens speakers with a $500,000 fine if they curse during the evening's proceedings.
1905 Colin Powell tries to speak, but is muzzled by Condeleeza Rice and Donald Rumsfeld.
1915 Reenactment of Bush's military career as half of the delegates go AWOL for the remainder of the convention.
1930 Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz announce plans to attack France, Italy, and half a dozen other European nations because "they talk funny."
1945 Bush hands keys to Lincoln Bedroom to Saudi Prince Bandar in exchange for reduced oil prices in time for the election.
2000 John Ashcroft proposes eliminating some more civil liberties.
2015 Individual tributes to countries in Iraqi coalition begins.
2016 Individual tributes conclude.
2017 The RNC takes time to show its support for the troops in Iraq.
2018 The RNC takes time to thank its major campaign donors.
2100 GWB demonstrates that he is a "compassionate conservative" by hugging a few minorities while picking their pockets.
2115 Health and Human Services Secretary Thompson announces that all scientific panels will be replaced with "faith-based healing" review boards.
2130 Antonin Scalia addresses crowd; all recordings and network broadcasts are censored.
2150 Labor Secretary Elaine Chao takes overtime checks from single mothers and underpaid white-collar workers.
2200 Bush addresses the nation for a full hour without presenting any facts whatsoever.
2300 Scott McClellan denies everything that Bush has just said in the last hour.
2310 Rupert Murdoch hosts a "fair and balanced" live Fox News special about how great the president's speech was.
2330 Bush refuses to admit that he's made a mistake as president.
2345 Condeleeza Rice and Karen Hughes get into a catfight over who loves Bush more.
2355 Cheney returns from "undisclosed location" to hold Bush's hand, just like he did in front of the 9/11 commission.
0000 Convention ends with book burning ceremony, using original copy of the Constitution as kindling.