Putting Peyton in his place

An ugly 24-14 win that really wasn't anywhere near as close as the final score suggested (except for some ugliness late in the game). In honor of the Patriots' shellacking of Manning yesterday, I offer

Top 10 Signs You're Playing the Patriots and You're Not Headed to Super Bowl XXXVIII

10. Your team's white and blue jerseys start resembling BDU's.

9. Rather than asking you "Who da Man(ning)?," the opposing defense asks you "Who's your Daddy?"

8. Your passer rating looks like an NFL score rather than the Mavericks' average tally.

7. The referee who unearthed the "Tuck Rule" is judging whether the opposing QB committed a fumble.

6. The opposing defense is knocking your guys so hard they look like they're doing the Fosbury Flop in the high jump.

5. You stare up at the sky, wondering when the snow will stop--or at least when you'll stop seeing stars--at least four times during the game.

4. Your teammate's name is the answer to the question: "When do you have trouble snapping?"

3. You can't even punt without handing points to your opponent.

2. The opposing linebacker has as many catches as--for more yards than--your favorite receiver.

1. You're seen mouthing "Goddamit!" as you skulk off the field, eyes rolling all the while, more than once.