Good news

It seems that apparently DARPA has gone too far. After the flap over the FuturesMAP--the utterly brilliant "death pool" idea--comes word that a certain Pointy-Named General will be stepping down in a few weeks. It's about time he gets his comeuppance. Now if only his bosses would suffer the same fate. . . .

Hilarity ensues?

So the picnic on Friday apparently is to get sillier. One of the featured attractions is a "professor dunk tank" for charity--people pay for the opportunity to try to soak the faculty. However, in an example of oneupsmanship, this year's organizers (the rising second-year graduate students) are trying to have a "professors' revenge"--a charity contest to find a graduate student for the dunkees to try to dunk.

I was approached by the organizers as a suitably "high-profile" graduate student to offer up for dunking. Thinking about this for about half a second I realized the potential danger I would be setting myself up for if I agreed to do this. I know the people in the department well enough to know that they're wonderful people, but a fair number of them wouldn't hesitate to chip in the cash needed to ensure I'd be the one to get soaked. [The class I TA'd and my own groupmates would quite likely be at the head of the list.]

Fortunately, the crisis was averted: never have I been quite so glad to have a musical performance the same day as a departmental event. . . .

Pet peeves

OK, I suppose one of my biggest electronic pet peeves are twofold, and involve people who spam multiple e-mail lists at once, without having the good sense to put those addresses in the BCC: section of the e-mail. Equally contemptible are those who then proceed to spam all of the mailing lists with "remove me" requests, which invariably spawn others.

The worst example of this was when I was an undergraduate, and someone sent an e-mail to several thousand students--but proceeded to list out the full e-mail of each and every student. So, not only was the message junk, but you had to scroll through 50 screens of e-mail addresses, and it took up about 50-75K per message--this was a lot back in the days when quotas of 4MB were still considered huge.

Of course, what happened is no surprise--some enterprising spammers on the list took it upon themselves to use this list to advertise their own spam, and then the chorus of "remove me's" and "me too's" began, clogging up inboxes for about a week. It was a royal pain in the neck--particularly when I learned that several of the "choristers" were students I was TA'ing. . . .

ChemE's with too much time on their hands. Part 2.

The following e-mail was sent to the entire department--grad students, post-docs, staff, faculty, and all, advertising a barbecue being held next week. Again, it speaks for itself.

"Payback..."

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- The sixties had the million people festival called Woodstock. The nineties had Lollapalooza. Halfway around the world, Berliners were celebrating the Love Parade.

Big deal.

Because on August 1st, 2003, at 1 pm, fans will witness the zenith of all festivals, when the 1st annual Robert C Armstrong Freedom Festival descends upon MIT's East Campus, next to famed architect's, IM Pei, 30-60-90 building. Indeed this festival will be headlined by the "Payback", also as known as the professor dunk tank, where students, peers, and the weird guy in 66-353 alike can take turns at plunking their favorite professors.

"This is why I love grad school," said Ramin Haghgooie. "Countless hours in front of the computer, your head in a laminar flow hood, deep breaths of volatile chemicals, 16 hour research days... it's all for an event like this. Any other day, all you're doing is giving up a huge salary to tell yourself that you are enriching yourself intellectually. It's really quite childish, really. But in the back of your mind you're preparing yourself for when it really matters.

"And at a time like this, it really matters."

For some, it's a very serious matter.

"You can't touch me!" said Armstrong, the man himself. "Bob Armstrong doesn't waste his time. Bob Armstrong doesn't do anything unless there's some real competition out there. Bob Armstrong doesn't play unless there is some championship to be won. Bob Armstrong don't want no jibber-jabber.

"Some people are satisfied just to 'play' and 'have fun,'" he said, with dramatic finger quotes, "but that ain't Bob Armstrong."

With adoring fans waiting to catch a glimpse of Armstrong, known to his fans as "BA", the casual observer can expect to see the best the challengers have to offer. The casual observer shouldn't, however, expect the best to actually deliver. ChemE and BE pundits have long wondered how the fetid and seemingly talentless Joel Moxley was actually able to unperch anyone from "Payback". Most prefer to pretend as if it never happened, like they do with the 1994 NBA Finals between the Knicks and Rockets, because the logic-defying alternative, no matter how real it may be, is just too painful.

"I thought I'd seen it all when, there I was, watching John Starks throwing up bricks and letting the Rockets -- the Rockets! -- win the NBA title," said historian Suzanne Easterly. "But when I saw Joel graze the target with a weak righty against, Alan Hatton -- a real champion, I might add -- I knew that life was really a lesson in absurdity. I knew that what I had just seen was as much a fluke as "The Play" in the 1982 Big Game, or Brady Anderson's 50 home run season, or that last shot that Adam Sandler makes to save his grandmother's
house in 'Happy Gilmore.' I'm not saying anything, but I'll be really tall the next time Joel hits another target."

A point well taken.

"I try not to think about it," said a noticeably jaundiced Moxley. "Last time I was too nervous to even open my eyes when I was throwing, and it was literally blind luck that the ball even came near. I can't imagine how bad it will be this year. You can be sure that my teddy bear will be on the sideline to comfort me when things get rough."

Things will invariably get rough for all entrants this year. A new format will be introduced, in hopes of establishing more camraderie among players. A social, featuring BBQ, croquet, a slip and slide, and live music will be organized to supply league players with nourishment and time to put aside their competitive natures and socialize.

Well, most entrants.

"Forget that, man," said Armstrong. "Bob Armstrong never lets down his guard, not for one second. That's why Bob Armstrong is so good. Go ahead, enjoy your pulled pork. But Bob Armstrong will be watching you. Bob Armstrong will definitely be watching you."

And what else can fans expect from Armstrong on August 1st?

"I don't think you're ready for this jelly," he said.

Whether he's referring to a special marmalade for the BBQ or simply his mastery of upstart grad students, it matters not. August 1st guarantees to be a special day. It is the apex of all festivals, the summit of summer. Friends will gather to sup, and a destiny will be fulfilled.

"Heh heh," reiterated Armstrong.

Copyright - The 66 Tribune, August 1st, 2003

Disclaimer: All characters are fictitious, except Joel Moxley. Any semblance to any real persons is purely coincidence, again, except for Joel.

ChemE's with too much time on their hands. Page 1.

Just to prove that chemical engineers do have a sense of humor, however warped:

The Sigma Omega Iota homepage

There's not much I can say. The site more or less speaks for itself. . . . Just make sure to check out the "application."

Idiots under the big tent

Good heavens. As if the Bush administration doesn't have enough quagmires to deal with, the House majority leader, Tom Delay, is about to visit the Middle East, with the message that the Palestinians aren't ready for their own state.

Perhaps it's just me, but isn't calling the Palestinians "a sovereign state of terrorists" simply trolling to make a bad situation worse? I mean, who paid for this visit: settlers' groups and the Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade?

So much for one big, happy family under the GOP's "big tent."

35 percent?

A recent Quinnipiac University poll suggests that Bush would lead Hillary Clinton by approximately 7 percentage points if the election were held last week. What I find odd is that only 35 percent of the people polled were Democrats (372 out of 1055 registered voters). Is that the actual Democratic representation in the voting pool? Are there really 30 percent of people who aren't registered?

And, more importantly, why are so many people still believing Bush's hypocritical nonsense after all this time that he can still beat Democrats by 7 to 15 percentage points?

View from the clouds

Whoever said that being tall has its advantages was probably right, but there are definitely some major disadvantages, particularly when it comes to public accommodations. Planes invariably don't offer tall people enough room, and I've seen more than my fair share of hotel and dormitory showers designed for people who are five-foot-nine, not six-foot-four.

And then there are other places where it wouldn't immediately strike you as being a problem. For example, I've discovered that in the world of the performing arts, I might as well be seven feet tall. I'm a good three inches taller than the next person in the company that's doing Carmen next week, and he in turn is about two inches taller than everyone else. The net result is that "stock" costumes in my size are hard to procure without spending big bucks. And since no amateur company is going to spend lots of money on costumes for a minor character like me, it means I'm going to have to sing on stage in a mishmash of ill-fitting clothes provided by the group and my own wardrobe. Oh well.

Independent thinking

How's this for setting a new tone in government, regarding the House's decision to rescind the FCC's increase in the percentage limit of stations a media conglomerate can own (emphasis mine):

Hoping to increase their power, some Republicans were seeking House members' signatures for a letter pledging to vote to sustain a veto, GOP aides said. It would take 145 lawmakers, or one-third of the House, to uphold a veto, which would be President Bush's first.

Three years into the presidency, and Bush has failed to verto a single bill? Not one thing has come out of Congress that he hasn't signed? Somehow this strikes me as a bit absurd. Does it indicate that Bush doesn't really actually pay attention to what's going on around him, and that he's simply a "president going through the motions," or is he completely satisfied with everything Congress has done thus far in his administration. Either way, it's pretty scary. . . .

But in better news, the House has also voted to rescind the Patriot Act's regulation allowing the government to perform "sneak and peek" searches, instead of the standard "advanced notice" restrictions. I'm all for more security, but not at the expense of common sense and intrusive behavior on the part of the government. Contradictory, I suppose, but that's my take. Your mileage may vary. . . .

Support for support staff?

Sometimes you have to marvel at the bureaucracy in large academic institutions.

We're working on processing the reimbursements for my conference trip a few weeks ago, which has already been plagued by the MIT Travel "Office," which insists on us filling out two separate forms for the hotel and for the registration fee---then proceeds to make both of the resulting travel advances out to me so that I can write separate checks. [And they have the nerve to charge separately for each travel advance request, even though it's *their* fault I needed two in the first place.]

And it looks like we're going to go through round two with the Travel Office. What fun.

Are you kidding me?

OK. So some people don't believe in paying taxes for themselves, and worse, for their employees. [As someone on fellowship, I understand how frustrating this can be.]

But this isn't the strangest part of the article. Apparently, one of the people being sued by the Treasury Department belongs to a movement which

contends that court actions in which names are typed in all capital letters, as the case filed yesterday was, are not valid.

I've seen many preposterous notions, but this has got to be one of the silliest.

Friends, work, and sleep. Pick two.

The old aphorism also applies to graduate students. Twice in the past week, I've spent several hours out longer than I intended, just because I was talking to new acquaintances. Tonight I spoke to a friend who's playing in a summer orchestra at MIT and met (by accident) a fellow Eli who played in a Yale Symphony Orchestra Halloween show that seemed like a cross between Le sacre du printemps, Star Wars, Animal House, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

And on Thursday night, I spent hours in the lobby of a DC hotel talking with other fellows---one topic segued into another, and before we knew it, "a few quick questions" turned into a free-wheeling four-hour chat that only broke up because we realized we had to head for our various stations (train and plane) in three to four hours. But it was time well spent, even if I did spend most of the train ride back to Boston conked out from sheer exhaustion. :-)

Oh, yeah. . . .

Obviously, by my last post, you can tell that I've returned from DC to the lovely climes of Boston.

The last two weeks have been rather amazing, both in terms of meeting people from my own field, as well as people from completely different realms of the physical and computational sciences. The CSGF program which has funded me for the last three years is definitely the kind of program that brings together people from all walks of (computational scientific) life, and allows people to "cross-fertilize": for example, some of the most insightful comments and questions I've had on my poster and talk came from someone specializing in robotic control, and even suggested some references that look promising as I extend my research.

This is exactly the kind of stuff that doesn't happen very often, and is all the more reason why programs like this should continue to exist, even if the science they produce isn't necessarily the flashy biomedical stuff that's getting all the grant support right now.

If not A, then B?

Sometimes the logical leaps people make can be galling. Walking down Boylston Street to Massachusetts Avenue yesterday, I was approached by someone looking for donations to a gospel choir. When I said I was "not particularly interested" in Gospel music, the person accosted me with the absurd response: "So you don't believe in God, then." To which my in-a-hurry brain could only come up with the retort "I believe in God; I'm just not Christian."

I have to admit that the particular leap was infuriating. However, I was more astonished that somebody would have the absurd notion that just because someone doesn't like gospel music, such person is "Godless." Did the man who accosted me not hear of Islam and Judaism? Did he not understand that not everyone believes that "Jesus died for our sins" and that some of us believe in a stricter form of monotheism than Christianity? More importantly, implying that someone doesn't believe in God, according to my own faith, is a major no-no. Faith is strictly between the individual and God, and it's not for mere humans to judge each other as to how devout we are.

Had I had more time to think about it, I'm sure I could have come up with something more witty, but my desire not to miss the No. 1 bus to Harvard Square won out over my desire for the ideal retort.

Go south, young man

So, after a very good trip out west, it's time for the second leg of my two-week excursion: five days in DC.

My poster apparently was very well received: a couple of faculty attendees told me to look them up when I'm ready to do a post-doc, and several more were clamoring for reprints of my work. If ever there's a motivation to get stuff written up, it's knowing there's an audience eager to learn much more about one's research, especially when it's as bizarre as mine. :-) [One even went so far as to say that the next few steps of my research work will be the kind of stuff that makes the research community "sit up and take notice." I *really* like that kind of feedback. :-) ]

Westward bound

No blog entries this week, dear readers. I'll be in Keystone, CO for a simulations conference 'til the end of the week. Updates when I return.

Requiescat in pace, Barry White

The AP news wire has announced the passing of R & B great Barry White at the age of 58, following complications from a stroke suffered last September. May his smooth, resonant bass-baritone be remembered.

"Wrong" values

Perhaps it is about values: a rather insightful New York Times Magazine commentary makes the argument that Democrats are screwed right now because they want to "play fair," rather than take whatever route will give them an advantage---a route which both Bill Clinton and Dubya have exploited to their respective advantages. That, and lately they seem to be so unfocused and disorganized that they have the strategic sense of a herd of lemmings dashing for the sea.

404 File Not Found

Take a gander at this error message. It made my morning.

All-American Holiday?

So, having spent the evening by the Charles for what used to be "Pops Goes the Fourth," a thought occurs to me.

I've been watching fireworks---a Chinese invention. The two musical works best associated with the holiday, our national anthem and Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, were created abroad, and in the latter case, has no actual connection with American history! [Having the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on hand to sing a "singing translation" (read: a dreck of an English rendition) of a Russian hymn in praise of the czar was silly beyond words.] The music to the Star-Spangled Banner has its origins in the "Anacreontic Society," a London aristocratic club.

So, the question is this: is there anything about our Fourth of July celebration entirely indigenous to the United States? I'm curious to know.

P.S. Thumbs down to CBS for making sure that LeAnn Rimes appeared twice in half an hour, but the much better Indra Thomas---who local audiences got to see and hear in a variety of styles---didn't make it on air.

Tom writes:

I think because your event was made for broadcast, they couldn't really do a lot of "American" pieces. After all, the cannons are a big draw. As for strictly indigenous celebrations for the 4th of July, that depends on what celebration you're talking about.

Actually, it turns out that the cannons were only referred to in passing. They only excerpted a little bit of the 1812 at the start of the CBS hour---the whole thing (or at least the whole of their abridgment) was only heard locally. At least when the telecast was on A&E, they broadcast the whole 1812. Surprisingly, CBS had the gall to say the 1812 was the highlight of the Fourth of July concert, but only thought they could play 45-60 seconds of it.

Personne non gratis

According to today's New York Times, French cultural exchange programs are currently having a hard time finding host families for their students, largely because of leftover anti-French hostility from the Iraq War II.

One interviewee ironically notes: "They'd be speaking German if it weren't for us." Of course, it doesn't matter that without French support, we wouldn't have won our own war of Independence, would probably have been economically sunk in the years that followed, and wouldn't have been able to purchase the Louisiana territory. So, no, France has never done anything to help us.

If the current anti-America feeling continues, I wonder if France should ask for the Statue of Liberty back. . . .

My soul will not magnify the Lord

In what can only be described as a major letdown, the AIChE Annual Meeting, to be held in November, has decided in its infinite wisdom to schedule the majority of polymer physics sessions at the end of the meeting, which means I have a poster session on Sunday and a talk on Friday. As a result, I will not be able to sing with the Concert Choir, which was scheduled to perform the Bach Magnificat. Oh well---business before pleasure.

My main consolation---I get to spend a week in November in California. A fair trade-off, all things considered.

Maybe it's just me. . . .

. . . but if we're trying to establish law and order in Iraq, isn't Bush telling militant rebels to "Bring it on" pretty much asking for trouble?

Cat herding?

One of the more bizarre dramas in recent months here in the Hub is that of a self-proclaimed "cat breeder" who's been arrested on charges of animal cruelty after authorities discovered frozen cat carcasses in her freezer.

At the end of the article, someone notes that approximately three-quarters of all "animal hoarding" cases involve cats. Why? Is there some particular reason why most of the people who go off the deep end in collecting pets tend to favor cats instead of, say, gerbils or mice or hamsters or chihuahuas or something like that? Is it because cats are "lower maintenance" animals?

Bizarre.

Heads or tails . . . the stake's your life!

As if there weren't enough fuel in the fire that is Dubya's towering hypocrisy, there's now word that Albert Gonzales, his chief legal counsel---and potential Supreme Court nominee, frequently "spiked" his execution-day memoranda, focusing on the crimes that were committed, and leaving out important trial information---ineffective counsel, mitigating circumstances, even evidence pointing to other suspects.

One Texas district judge, who reported in an opinion: "A flip of the coin would be more merciful than these votes,'' referring to votes by the Texas Parole Board to recommend clemency for death row inmates. Anybody still believe that "everybody that has been put to death ... are guilty of the crime charged, and, secondly, they had full access to our courts?''

A vast left-wing conspiracy?

Tim Young argues that there is a tendency for artists to skew toward the liberal side. I think that this hypothesis probably isn't that far off the mark---and probably can be extended quite a bit further. Personally, I think most of the "great" thinkers in our culture---the great artists, scientists, philosophers, and so on---seem to have shared a left-wing philosophy.

Most bands for whom music---not profit---is the primary concern tend to skew left. Actually, to a greater degree, I think that most people who are pursuing careers in the arts---whether they be off-Broadway actors, opera singers, or sculptors---tend to be liberal, I think in part because they realize that under a truly right-wing society, their work would be considered "less important" because it is not economically self-sustaining.

I remember that during the last election cycle, most of the musicians I knew were definitely skewed to the left. Very few had right-wing sensibilities, unless they had "mitigating factors"---an "Army brat," or someone from a well-heeled conservative family, for example. I think that's part of the reason why there are so few right-wing artists. Besides, a right-wing artist is going to have a hard time working those values into their work: it's too much of a challenge to believe that right-wing ideals can be successfully translated into the media. [For example, a movie about someone becoming rich through years of hard work and industry will usually sink under the weight of its own saccharine nature.]

Moreover, the rather commercial and "holier-than-thou" skew of the right wing generally has a negative impact on the quality of the work it produces, especially as one continues to veer to the right. ["Omega Code" and "Left Behind" spring immediately to mind.] An even worse problem are the jingoist artists, who attempt to convert wrongheaded beliefs into popularity and profits, without a shred of sincere conviction (and, generally, artistic merit).

Planes, trains, or automobiles?

Reimbursed travel is fun. It means that I'll be taking the Acela express from Boston to DC in a few weeks instead of a plane, because, remarkably, it's cheaper--by about $80, and it means I don't have to have a 9 *PM* flight out of DC on a Friday night. . . .

Not liking this dichotomy

In academia, it's supposedly "publish or perish." Why?

In this particular case, a manuscript we submitted got a rather chilly review from the journal. I'm not sure whether the solution will be to substantially revise the paper, or to submit to another journal. We'll still have to figure that part out. But it would certainly nice to have an extra publication under my belt before I apply for academic positions (post-doc and otherwise).

What was that about elections again?

It would seem that the Bush administration is dedicated to fair, free elections anywhere in the world---so long as they yield the results the administration wants. [Insert ominous music here.]

Repeatedly, the administration has claimed its support for a free, democratic Iraq. Yet, now that people are starting to organize themselves, the occupation forces are shutting down elections all over the country, because they are not being held according to the plans that the "colonial" government has established.

Perhaps it's just me, but wouldn't it be in our best interests to allow elections to go forward? Even if they end up being largely for show, or just having a power-share between appointed and elected officials (even if the balance is still heavily tilted toward the former), the fact that the Iraqi people would be having some say in their own governance would probably go a lot farther than empty promises and the installation of third-rate military officers.